Have you ever started on a journey or course of action that you felt was just where God wanted you to go? Have you ever tripped just as soon as you’ve started walking down that path? Me too.
After I got prepared to hit the road running with the adoption fundraising and I got all vulnerable and history dredging right here in this space I felt like blocks were thrown under my feet. Computers revolted against me, the refigerator decided cold was an option, time evaporated, just this morning I stepped in vomit on the way to the post office.
I came home yesterday feeling frantic. Like my to-do list was strangling me and I couldn’t figure out how, when, where to start to unravel the mess. Things are piled up and my brain is cluttered and worries are dragging at my heels. I mean stopping long enough to eat seemed like a big huge rock in the middle of my day.
We don’t need an umplanned for $1800 dollar expense right smack in the middle of me trying to feed people (you know, and not give them food poisoning). I can’t run an online store and not have reliable internet access. I can’t finish quilt tops for the long-armer and spend all weekend in the kitchen in one capacity or another. I cant work at the sewing machine when my craft space is piled high with bins and boxes and batting. Laundry needs to get done. The bathroom needs to be cleaned. The fridge doesn’t fit, the kitchen needs to be redesigned, the stairs need carpet, the back yard needs a landscaper, and I need to stop.
Take a deep breath.
Stop and think.
It won’t all get done right now, today, this week, this month, or this year. *I* am what is making me overwhelmed. *I* am making myself frantic.
I sometimes wonder when these bumps in my path come up if they are from God or from Satan. Which one is asking me “How bad do you want this?”? Which one is testing me?
The truth is it doesn’t really matter. The truth is that no matter where the bumps come from my only course of action is to run to In-Whom-I-Trust. My Father is always ready for me to vent my fears, and expell my frustrations. He’s always ready to tell me to rest in Him. Because these things are not giant life and death things. These things are the everyday detours of life. Fridges go out, things pile up, work gets interrupted, rain comes, life happens. It just does. If I can’t figure out how to take a breath in this week of chaos how will I do it with children in tow?
So, I pulled out a wipe and (gagging the whole time) scrubbed off my shoe. (It’s awesome when in the pre-dawn morning you walk into the little alcove where mailboxes reside and find the path a pile of sick.) I got back in the car and ran my errand and came home and sorted out the computer situation. (Thanks to my mom and her grace.) In a few minutes I’ll get the laundry started, I’ll upload a few quilts to the Etsy shop, and I’ll do some dishes. One thing at a time I’ll cross items off this list and I’ll try hard to remeber, when the panic over these bumps is trying to immobilize me, to just breathe.
I can get up from tripping over bumps. I can get up with bruises and still walk the path. Our Lord doesn’t ask us to come perfectly, he doesn’t ask that we make the journey pretty. All He asks of us is to trust him and walk on, limping if we have to, just take the next step. Even when we make a mistake He can work it all out for our good and His glory. So lets be willing to fail and fall and get up again. OK? I’m doing it too -bumps and bruises and all.