Stress Ball

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I’m not afraid to admit I was a nervous wreck this morning.

The hubs had gone to work and I was home alone waiting for him to return in time to leave for the surgery center. I woke up at 6am from a strange and vivid dream about having brain surgery -literally dreamed I was having holes drilled in my head to have lesions removed.

I distracted myself by watching YouTube and doing laundry.  I follow inspiredmom824 on YT and she’s been talking about her infertility journey over there. I found listening to her Chit Chat Get Ready With Me videos super calming this morning.

Then it was time to shower and get ready to leave and I discovered that I was still spotting from my period. I panicked. I can’t have the HSG if I’m bleeding! Even though they had said light spotting was ok, it seemed like too much. I fell to my knees and just began praying hard for it to stop. Praying hard that my Dr would still do the test. I teared up admitting out loud to the Lord I was really worried about the outcome of the test and having to delay it a whole other month was just too much to take now that we’d been set on this road.

The thing is I didn’t even think I was that nervous about the whole thing until I thought it might not happen today. But once the nerves started I was wound up and coiled like a spring. I was nervous I couldn’t pee for the mandatory pregnancy test. I was nervous there’d be something wrong with the paperwork. I was nervous something, anything, would go wrong.

Then we were there and the paperwork was over and the administrator handed me a stress ball (these places have funny ‘gifts with purchase’, lol, I just really needed that one) and we began the in-take process. I peed like any normal person, my blood pressure was fine, I put on the hospital gown and the funny non-skid socks. The surgical nurse came in to check on me, Dr.B came in and explained everything and reassured me the spotting was not a problem. Minutes later I was in the surgery room, climbed up on the table, and it all went just like he said it would.

I got to watch, with a little cramping sensation, as the dye flooded my uterus and then the fallopian tubes. A few clicks from the x-ray machine, a couple ‘you did great’s from the Dr and the nurse, and that’s all there was to it.

But, of course, even though it was quick and easy I still had a lingering suspicion he’d seen something ‘not right’ that my inexperienced eyes couldn’t see. More polyps that would require another DandC maybe.

So, when he finally came in to recovery and said “The test results are in and you get an A+” I could finally breathe! He showed us the x-rays and said it all looked good and normal; there is nothing to be worried about. It was only then I could believe it. Relief is a gift a Dr can give unlike anyone else.

When Dr. B said we could call his office and schedule an appointment right away to talk over our IUI options I’m pretty sure I lit up. It’s not a baby obviously, and it’s not a guarantee, but it’s hope and the next step. I’m happy for that. Happy to have the next thing to do on the journey.

Thank you all who are praying us through and cheering us on. Thanks for taking this walk with us -we hope there’s a great big (birthday) party at the end of it.

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About Stephanie

I'm a thirty-something wife, a Mama who loves family, dogs & bunnies. A daughter who loves to cook & bake. A sister who loves to sew & knit. A friend who loves to gab & laugh. I'm a christian & a maker of things. I'm a curator of memories, a photographer of life, a writer of stories. I'm a girl who is learning to love the richness of life in all it's fullness. A girl choosing to seek gratitude for my ordinary everyday. A girl learning about choosing to live in joy. Connect with me on Twitter/Instagram/Flickr @BextraordinaryU

One response to “Stress Ball

  1. Jane andrews

    My thought & prayers are with you. I am a friend of your Mothers & I just know you will be a wonderful mom.

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