Waiting

image

The thing about infertility and waiting to find out if you’re pregnant is that it absolutely consumes you. Even when you are outwardly just living your life your brain is stuck in a loop of hope and worry.

I’m having lunch with a friend.
Do I feel any different?
I’m buying groceries.
It’s really too soon to feel any different.
I’m laughing at his jokes.
Is that a baby cramp or is my period coming?
I’m cleaning the kitchen.
Oh, God, don’t let it be my period.

Of course I’ve felt this waiting before many many times. In the early years of our journey more acutely, and then we kind of buried the emotions for a while. Living with your emotions swinging on a pendulum can start to wear you down.  This time, all these emotions feel heavier. And, sometimes they’ve got a touch of desperation.

Waiting is a tangle of a hundred different emotions and trying to sort and calm them all one by one. It’s holding onto not knowing as hope when the feelings of despair want to first creep in and then wash over you. Some days you have to talk yourself down from the clouds so as not to set yourself up for utter defeat. Other days you have to drag your heart from your feet and whisper a mantra to keep it from pulling you into a pit.

The whole while you feel a little ridiculous. I mean hundreds of people get pregnant by accident everyday. By accident. How is it getting pregnant for my body is like playing blindfolded darts with the target a mile off?

I do believe everything happens for a reason. I do believe God has a plan. But anyone who’s ever waited for something life-altering knows that the wait can feel endless. When your whole being is caught up in the waves of emotion that come with waiting you just have to trust and ride it out.

And so we are.
Waiting.

Advertisements

About Stephanie

I'm a thirty-something wife, a Mama who loves family, dogs & bunnies. A daughter who loves to cook & bake. A sister who loves to sew & knit. A friend who loves to gab & laugh. I'm a christian & a maker of things. I'm a curator of memories, a photographer of life, a writer of stories. I'm a girl who is learning to love the richness of life in all it's fullness. A girl choosing to seek gratitude for my ordinary everyday. A girl learning about choosing to live in joy. Connect with me on Twitter/Instagram/Flickr @BextraordinaryU

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Archives

enJOY it by Elise Blaha Cripe

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

Lucie Loves It

Parenting & Lifestyle blogger

Inspired Mom Diaries

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

AubreyLida

Life in words and pictures

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

Stitched in Color

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

comfortstitching

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

enJOY it by Elise Blaha Cripe

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

Brett Bara

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

Raising the Barrs

Our Journey to Wellness on the Last Frontier

In Color Order

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

a cuppa and a catch up

tea + craft = bliss

A journal for a girl who likes words + photos.

%d bloggers like this: