Dear I-Can’t-Believe-You’re-Almost-Here Baby,
In a week or less now I’ll have a new name. You’ll be in my arms instead of in my belly and I’ll be called Mama. I write that down, and say it out loud, and still part of me lives in disbelief. I’ve felt for so long that you were a dream we’d forever be chasing that even now I have a hard time believing you’re going to be here. That must sound crazy to people on the outside of this journey. I mean I’ve been feeling you move now for a long time, I talk to you, I know you’re a real person about to be born. So it’s funny there’s still this part of me that can’t wrap itself around the fact that soon I’ll touch your skin, and hear your cries, and see your face.
People always say birth is transformative and I’m anticipating that in whatever way you get from the inside out I will be changed forever.
I have to say it that way, my little stubborn girl, because this birth thing is so unpredictable. You seem to have decided you are quite comfy in there and have no plans to prepare to come out anytime soon. In fact you’ve wedged yourself in at an odd diagonal so that you can use my liver as a pillow and my left kidney as a springboard. Despite my nudging and telling you it’s time to get ready you’re not turning on your own. I’ve also mentioned in what might be my ‘mom voice’ that if you don’t move they’ll come in and drag you out by your backside. Literally. Still you don’t care. I have a feeling this may be how our mother-daughter relationship will go.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about dads lately and how I’m so excited for you to meet yours. Though I’m admittedly pretty biased I do think you’re getting a really fantastic dad. I hope you come to enjoy sports and cars with him, that maybe you’ll share some of his passions. I also hope you’ll take to heart his model of what to expect from the people in your life. About what respect looks and feels like and what it doesn’t. About what love does and doesn’t do no matter the words used. Your dad is exceptional at making people feel valued and that’s the kind of person I hope you become too.
I guess parents always hope for certain things for their children… We pray… Let her be a good person. Let her have compassion and be kind. And also…Let her be strong and courageous. To know when to fight for what she believes in, to fight for people and against injustice. Admittedly, it might sound like we pray you’ll become something of a super hero. But mostly we’re praying we raise a good human who recognizes other good humans when they cross her path. Mostly we pray we don’t screw up this parenting gig we’ve been begging God to give us.
So, as I prepare to begin this life as your mama I am both overcome with thankfulness that I got the job and overwhelmed with the task to be good at it. However it all unfolds, I do know this without a doubt- This life with you and your dad is above and beyond and (even when it gets hard) is my most favorite adventure.
Let’s get started.